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Making the Transition to College
By Jennifer Heetderks, M.A.
Fall. Even in Riverside there is a change as summer morphs into autumn: it is slightly cooler (90 degrees is better than 105), the days slowly become shorter, and the air feels crisp. Every season brings change in other areas as well. At UCR, it is the beginning of fall quarter. New students are orienting themselves to campus, and returning students are trying to remember where exactly they can park without incurring enough parking fees to necessitate an additional student loan. New roommates are introduced to each other and find out that people have very diverse value systems as well as taste in music. Old roommates are reunited and realize that people can change substantially over the course of a summer. And throughout all these changes, you are supposed to find the time and energy to go to class and attempt to learn, which is the purpose of college.
Or is it? So much of the learning that occurs at college takes place outside of the classroom. What about self-exploration, and finding out who you are when the old rules don’t have to apply? Or learning how to make friends with people you connect? Or accepting that you may actually miss the family a wee bit, despite how they can drive you crazy at times? And maybe, if the universe is kind to you, finding a special someone with whom you want to develop a romantic relationship? With all that’s going on, how do you cope with all of the transitions while trying to be successful academically? |
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First, decide that it’s going to take time to be comfortable at college. Then realize that everyone is in the same boat. Everyone has left friends back at home, and people no longer find themselves in the fairly solid and predictable niche provided by their high school group. Loneliness and the fear of being alone produce an urgent need to belong to a group. It’s easy to forget how long it took for groups to coalesce in high school. Again, trying to keep a sense of perspective and realizing that it takes time for real relationships to form helps reduce the anxiety.
In the meantime, many students make use of their new freedom to try out new roles and new ways of presenting themselves to others. Sometimes the new role fits well and feels natural; sometimes it doesn’t and you feel phony. Give yourself time to engage in self-exploration, realizing developing one’s identity is a process.
Value-conflicts are another important issue. At home, most students experience a relatively clear value system: you may or may not agree with your parents’ values, but at least you know what they are. On campus, however, the value system can be ambiguous in its diversity. Deciding what your own personal values are is usually an evolutionary process that takes time. You pick up pieces here and there, sometimes by trial and error, gradually developing a sense of what feels right. We at the Counseling Center find that people who have given themselves the time to think through questions of values, seeking information and guidance when helpful, are more comfortable with themselves and less conflicted than those who haven’t done so.
So, despite the success of a great GPA, the personal stuff matters too. What’s more, it can really affect your academic performance. A good first step is to recognize that you’re going to have ambivalent feelings about being at college. Some days you’ll love it, some days you’ll hate it. It is understandable if you feel depressed, confused, anxious, or a little disoriented; in fact, it’s to be expected. Try to accept your mixed feelings and your shifting moods. Your parents, roommate, friends, and romantic partner can potentially be very helpful at putting things in perspective. For more persistent difficulties (for instance, a depressed mood that doesn’t seem to lift), it might be helpful to consider talking to a professional counselor at the Counseling Center. We are here to support you through the multitude of changes and transitions you have to make during the college years, and to walk with you as you embrace these challenges. |