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Recovering From a Break-Up
By Jennifer Heetderks, M.A.
Break-ups tend to be a universal part of life. Unless you stay with the first person you have a romantic relationship with, you will most likely experience losing a romantic partner. This can be an incredibly painful experience, and oftentimes feels isolating. While there are many similarities in what people experience when they go through a break-up, each break-up is unique just as the two individuals in it and the relationship between them. If it was your first serious relationship, you may experience how hard it is letting go of your “first love.” Or, the end of a long-term relationship may cause you to experience a loss of identity. You may need to explore and find out who you are outside of that relationship. For many people, their romantic partner is the one they turn to for emotional support, and during a break-up the very person you are used to turning to is the one person you no longer can.
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 The experience of a break-up can result in a multitude of emotions, such as shock, denial, anger, relief, joy, depression, anxiety, and perhaps at some point, acceptance. You may notice changes in your eating and/or sleeping habits. You may cry frequently. You may be unable to concentrate as well as you are used to. You may be more irritable than normal, and your mood can fluctuate from moment to moment. One moment you may be thinking “Good riddance!” and the next you may find yourself crying and missing the person like crazy. You may also be letting go of friends you met through your partner, places you went to together, and their family.
So what do you do to help yourself manage a break-up? We suggest that first and foremost you recognize that recovering from and grieving a break-up takes time, and to be patient with yourself during the process. We also suggest that you avoid making any drastic changes, and avoid acting on any destructive impulses. Let your friends and/or family know you are hurting. Let them know ways they can help, whether it be listening, working out with you, or helping you study. Regular exercise and a healthy diet can help bring stability to your life. Many have found that returning to a routine as soon as one is able to can offer comfort and a sense that things are returning to normal once again. For more persistent difficulties (for instance, a depressed mood that doesn’t seem to lift), it might be helpful to consider talking to a professional counselor at the Counseling Center.
 Also, while it is very easy to only remember certain traits of your ex’s, such as the great ones or the really annoying ones, or to only remember either the good or the bad times, at sometime in the process, try to allow yourself to remember the full person and the full range of experiences you had with him/her. Nobody is all-good or all-bad, and neither is a relationship. By remembering the good and the bad, you do not have to beat yourself up for dating the person in the first place, or wishing you had never met them. Even though the relationship ended, meaning can still be found from the experience. Every relationship we have brings us knowledge about ourselves, how we relate to others, and what type of relationship works best for us. Be aware of this information and use it the next time you find yourself in a romantic relationship. Most importantly- Don’t give up on relationships!
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