A Guide for Parents and Families

Congratulations! Your child is now a university student. There are many changes on the horizon. This developmental period of young adulthood will be a significant transition time for your son or daughter.

For your child, this will be a time of intellectual growth and exploration, making decisions and plans for the future, developing increased autonomy, an ability to govern himself or herself, developing a greater sense of identity, and clarifying values and beliefs. The process of clarifying values and beliefs will require an examination of self, of family and friends, of the many values and beliefs that are shared with you, and of those that are different. Part of the growing process means that your child will go through periods of questioning, sometimes questioning values you hold dear.

Sending a child off to the University is also a new stage of life for YOU, the parent. Whether your child plans to continue living at home or will move onto campus, or whether this is your first child or your last child to leave home, this time requires an adjustment for you as well as for your child. It is a time of "letting go." Your role as a parent is to understand these changes. With change, there is often a sense of loss. Even though you expect the outcome will be positive, temporary losses, such as a child being away at school, are losses, nonetheless. It may be helpful to realize that change and growth are inevitable. The relationship between you and your child will change as your child meets the challenges of developing autonomy and creating a life of his or her own. This is the major developmental task of young adulthood.

 


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This transition, while exciting, can at times be a trying experience. As parents and guardians, you have fears and concerns that are quite normal. You may fear that the cultural and family values you have worked hard to instill in your child may be lost or diluted. You may fear “losing” your children as they become increasingly autonomous. You may wonder if they really can take care of themselves and have enough discipline to deal with alcohol, drugs, or sex. You may wonder how your child’s success or performance will reflect on you as a parent.

How will your child make sense of the new experiences he or she encounters and how can he or she deal with them in a productive, positive way? We all make sense of the world through the lens of our life experiences, our family values and history, and our cultural and ethnic identity. It may be helpful to understand that your child's response to this new situation is the culmination of a lifetime of responses to other situations. All the learning they have received from you up to now is a part of who they are; it is a part of what they bring to any new situation. Your child will need time to adjust to the new situation, need time for "trial and error", for exploration and experimentation. You may notice new clothes, music, ideas or beliefs. You may notice your child forging a new identity, questioning and challenging old values and beliefs, keeping many, yet taking on new ones. Much in the same way your child might try on new clothes, looking for the best fit, your child may "try on" some new ideas or perspectives. As a parent you are in the best position to help your child through this period of adjustment.

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Counseling Center
Veitch Student Center
North Wing
University of California, Riverside
Riverside, CA 92521-0320
Phone: (951) 827-5531
Fax: (951) 827-2015